Many people ask me how they can be more respected.
They hate the pain of feeling ignored and disregarded.
But this always sets off a red flag for me, because it reminds me of how I used to be when I was depressed.
You instantly lose when you expect respect.
What I learned over many years of struggle:
To gain respect you must become someone who genuinely respects yourself.
This comes from a combination of doing things that bring self-respect and ‘acting as-if,’ which leads to an upward spiral of confidence.
Here are 10 tiny habits that will make you more respected than 98% of people:
1. Regularly do things that frighten you.
Fear isn’t always an indication of what to avoid.
Unless it’s a charging rhino, most fears you have are signs of what to do.
When you take courage, you feel the aliveness in your soul.
2. Slow down your speech and movements.
Here’s an example of one of the ‘act as if’ behaviors that has a powerful impact on your sense of self-respect.
When we consciously slow down, we silence the part of us that is rushing in fear.
We mold ourselves into the kind of person who takes their time because they are confident in their ability.
3. Make yourself occasionally scarce.
When we say yes to everyone and everything, we infringe on our personal space and freedom.
You might enjoy the brief high pleasing others, but ultimately you lose your self-respect, when the balance becomes skewed.
Honor yourself first, and have this reflected in the boundaries you set.
4. Become consistent in something useful.
Someone once said something that changed my entire thinking about fulfillment:
It’s about knowing you are becoming increasingly useful.
Consistency is how our usefulness becomes honed, expanded, and felt.
It’s also a powerful discipline that will make you feel good about yourself.
Become insanely consistent in at least one great thing.
5. Re-prioritize your ‘highs.’
Cut out habits that bring you shame.
You know what they are.
Many of us irrationally do things we feel bad about. We do it because of short-term pleasure.
But what if you saw that the high from bad habit avoidance is bigger than any short-term high?
6. Develop emotional control.
Ever gotten super angry and done something you regretted?
Exactly.
A lack of emotional control leads to self-disrespect.
Hone this skill by nurturing the gap between triggering stimulus and response.
Breathe when angry.
It’s a muscle like any other and it may even save your life.
7. Make peace with those you hate.
Many of us suffer tremendously because we allow others to disrupt our emotional balance.
We get jealous. We feel triggered. We get offended.
Our loss.
We can’t truly respect ourselves if someone is living in our heads rent-free.
What would it do for your self-respect if you found a way to let go?
What if you dropped the hostility and offered to shake the hand of he who wronged you?
You’re stronger when you take the higher ground of forgiveness.
8. Regularly do hard things.
This isn’t a green light to go out and be a straight-up reckless clutz.
Hard things that require grit, staying power, and discipline bring the best rewards of all. You know this.
What are they, and how can you bring more of them into your life?
9. Find a way to lead.
Few things stir up a sense of pride than leadership.
Who can you help?
How can you help?
Is there a way you can bring people together in a community that supports the common good and helps others overcome problems?
Become a leader in your life.
10. Become unreasonably upbeat.
I always say happiness is a choice.
How you feel needn’t be based on what’s happening in your world.
You create it.
Be upbeat, and you will infect those around you with your energy, which will — in turn — maintain your vibe.
Authors: Alex Mathers